There’s something about looking for love in your 40s that feels like a peculiar mix of comedy, tragedy, and the occasional horror flick. As a single mum to two brilliant kids with additional needs, widowed six years ago, and working full-time to keep everything afloat, my life is a whirlwind of chaos, resilience, and, occasionally, questionable decision-making. But, hey, isn’t that what makes it interesting?

So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and let me take you through the highs and lows (spoiler alert: mostly lows) of navigating the modern dating landscape as a 40-something mum. It’s been a journey filled with laughs, lessons, and just enough absurdity to keep me writing.

Widowed, Working, and Wondering

Let’s start with the basics. I was widowed six years ago, an experience that will forever remain one of the most heart-wrenching chapters of my life. But if it taught me anything, it’s resilience. I’ve learned to juggle the demands of full-time work while raising my two amazing boys, who come with their own delightful mix of ASD/ADHD. And trust me, “delightful” is not a euphemism, it’s genuinely a joy to see the world through their unique perspectives, even if it means the occasional meltdown over why a T-rex wouldn’t make a good house pet.

But amidst the school runs, therapy appointments, and late-night report deadlines, there’s a part of me that still craves companionship. Someone who’ll see the beauty in the chaos and maybe even embrace it. And so, armed with hope and a not-so-great WiFi connection, I ventured into the world of dating apps.

Dating Apps: The Circus of Modern Romance

Here’s the thing about dating apps: they promise so much but deliver very little. It’s like ordering a lavish three-course meal and getting a single limp lettuce leaf. My foray into this technological romance roulette has been nothing short of a nightmare, though admittedly, occasionally an entertaining one.

Take the guy who proudly announced he was a recovering addict but then followed it up by saying he couldn’t handle his ex-girlfriend’s ADHD. This, of course, was after I’d already mentioned my boys and their ASD/ADHD combo. I couldn’t decide whether to be amused, offended, or just plain baffled. Then there was the man who spent most of our date gawking at a semi-famous local celebrity at the next table. I could’ve turned into a pumpkin at midnight, and he wouldn’t have noticed. Ironically, he texted me later, calling it the “best date ever.” Reader, it was not.

And how could I forget the man who gave me serious “true crime documentary” vibes? Let’s just say I spent most of that date mentally planning my escape route and ensuring my location settings were on. Thankfully, I survived to tell the tale, though I’ve since developed a habit of texting friends with “If I don’t message back in two hours, send help.”

Then, of course, there are the ghosters. Men who vanish into the ether the moment they learn I’m a widow. One even admitted he “couldn’t cope with competing with a dead man.” Competing? Honestly, it’s not a competition… it’s just my life.

The Speed Dating Experiment

When dating apps proved more circus than romance, I decided to try speed dating. You know, the old-school, face-to-face, five-minutes-to-impress scenario. In theory, it’s a great idea. In practice, it’s like playing dodgy roulette with human beings.

I’d hoped for something magical, a spark, a connection, or at least someone who didn’t talk about their ex the entire time. Instead, I met a parade of characters who made me wonder if there’s a secret requirement for speed dating that involves unresolved issues and questionable life choices.

And then there’s the friend zone. The place where romantic aspirations go to die but where you end up with some great mates. Don’t get me wrong, friends are amazing, and I cherish every one of them. But when you’re putting yourself out there, hoping for a bit of romance, landing in the “you’re-great-but” category repeatedly can be disheartening. At this rate, I might as well start collecting cats and embrace my destiny as the neighbourhood cat lady. At least cats don’t ghost you or worry about competing with your late spouse.

Lessons Learned (and Laughed About)

If nothing else, dating in your 40s has taught me a few invaluable lessons. First, you absolutely have to laugh (often and loudly). Between recovering addicts, ghosters, and semi-famous celebrity gawkers, it’s hard not to see the comedy in it all. And honestly, what’s life without a bit of humour?

Second, I’ve learned to set boundaries and be unapologetically myself. Raising two wonderful kids with additional needs while holding down a demanding job isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes strength, patience, and love. If someone can’t appreciate that, they’re not worth my time.

Third, I’ve come to value the power of hope. Despite all the ups and downs, I still believe there’s someone out there who’ll see the chaos of my life and smile. Someone who’ll understand that love in your 40s isn’t about competing with the past but about building a future.

Hope Springs Eternal

So, what’s next? Well, I’ll keep swiping, chatting, and occasionally speed dating. Somewhere in the midst of it all, I like to think there’s a bloke who’ll surprise me (in a good way, of course). Until then, I’ll continue living my life with pride, laughter, and a healthy dose of sarcasm.

Life as a single mum is already full of love: from my kids, my friends, and even the additional imaginary cats I joke about collecting. And who knows? Maybe the next guy will not only accept the chaos of my life but embrace it. Or at the very least, he’ll give me some fantastic new material for the blog.

After all, dating in your 40s may be a circus, but it’s my circus. And despite the occasional clown, I’m determined to enjoy the show.